So unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have heard of this book and know the gist of what it’s about. Bella a.k.a. Anastasia a.k.a. Ana a.k.a. Wet Blanket meets Christian Grey a.k.a. the human Edward a.k.a. abusive stalker. Christian begins to track every single aspect of Ana’s life. Who her friends are? Where she works? Where she grew up? Her social security number? How many times a day she goes to the bathroom? No stone is left unturned. He needs to find out everything about her because he loves and cares so much. Ana gives up everything in her life to accommodate Christian. But this isn’t much because like I said before, she has the personality of a wet blanket.
As you know, there is lots of sex in this book. But not sexy sex, it’s cringeworthy, vomit-inducing sex. “His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three-legged young.” “I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on…My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” These are actual quotes from the book. I cannot even deal!
What I Thought Before I Started Reading: So after seeing that everyone and their mother has been reading this book, I guess I’m going to give it try. I want to see what all the fuss is about.
What I Thought in the Middle of Reading: Vagina! That thing you have “down there” is called a vagina. If you are willing to get into a BDSM relationship with a man you met a week ago, I think you should be able to say the word vagina.
What I Thought When I Was Done: I really have no one to blame but myself; I knew what I was getting into. Also, apparently I am a masochist since I went ahead and read all three of these.
I usually do not like to bash books too much. Writing a book is difficult. Talent aside, it simply takes a lot of determination to sit down and complete an entire novel. In college, I had trouble putting together a paper that was more than five pages. But I have to break my rule when it comes to Fifty Shades. There are so many things wrong with this series. Some are on a comical level (the battle in Ana’s mind between her inner goddess and subconscious), while some are dangerous (the alarmingly abusive relationship between Ana and Christian, which many women seem to view as romantic).
My biggest issue with this series is something that I’m sure most people who enjoyed it would not be able to admit. Many of the women who’ve read this series, admit to falling in love with the character Christian Grey. They view him as the ideal man. Everything he does is seen as a romantic gesture and they wish they could find their own Christian Grey. In the books, Christian is described as one of the most beautiful men alive. One glance from him and women all over physically cannot keep their legs closed. But, what if he wasn’t attractive? What if he still had every other characteristic, including his wealth, and was just lacking his good looks? Would women still find everything he did so romantic? Or would it start to become repulsive, creepy, abusive (which is what he actually is)?
I’m fully convinced that if this was Donald Trump having you sign a contract before having sex, following you around everywhere you went, and basically taking charge of every aspect of your life, from your gynecological health to your job, you wouldn’t be quite as swept off your feet. This book is incredibly shallow. It romanticizes an unhealthy relationship and makes it seem OK because the lead male is charming and ridiculously good looking.
Final Verdict: I gave the first book a 2 star rating on Goodreads, simply because it made me laugh. Not intentionally but it made me laugh nonetheless. By the last two books, I was done with the nonsense and gave them both a 1 star rating. It takes a lot to get a 1 star rating from me so that speaks volumes.